I Just Missed Writing :)

God made me realize at a young age that I need Him, but the journey has been long and difficult and continues to be that way, but well worth it! :) *I am hard-headed so I do end up learning things the hard way most of the time :)*

I remember that one of the greatest prejudice and condemnation that I have ever encountered growing up was that I was Chinese who cannot speak Chinese. As a young girl growing in a Chinese community, that hurt me a lot. The thing is, I was surrounded by people who called themselves Christians.

Reminiscing, I really learned a lot since then :)

1. Love and Acceptance.

When I look at a person, I don’t want to care if you’re a Chinese or a Filipino. I don’t even care about your past, because I know what it feels to be judged. I just want to see you as God sees you. I just want to see the best and the good in you. I want to love the people around me in the same way God has shown His love for me. Difficult? Yes. But, He loved me even if I can be so unlovely.

When people fail us or disappoint us, just forgive. *oh so difficult* BUT that is Grace. Maybe they just don’t know what they’re doing or maybe they’re already so lost in their bad habits. I am reminded often times, it is not my role to make someone grow out of his/her bad habits, that is God’s role. All we can do is be there for them. Encourage them. Build them. Love them. Accept them. Be gracious to them. As they grow in God, they’ll receive the wisdom to know what is right from wrong. If they grow in love with God, they’ll choose to obey Him not because you told them to, but because they just love Him enough to obey Him. Everyone has their own walk of faith with God. Anyway, in the end, each of us are accountable to Him :)

Side comment thoughts:

When I die, I rather be secure that I did my best to live a life of faith that there is God :) If there is none, then okay so what, then there is nothingness, but what if there is? :P How will you face Him then because there are no more second chances after that?! :) Where will you go then?

The greatest lie of the devil:

You are still young, you still have so much time to spare :) But oh that can be so deceptive. Time flies young one. You will never know when it is too late.

2. Identity. Security. Courage. Competence

I was not secure back then. Who am I? Who cares if I am a Filipino or a Chinese. Would that even matter to God?! I am a Christian. That is my citizenship. I have found security in my identity in God. A God who will never falter, a perfect God. Imagine if I found my security in this world, if that world crumbles, so will I. If I find my identity in my group of friends, or in the lifestyle I live in or in money. What if I lose all that? Won’t I also lose my entire being?!

I am a woman created by God. Again He created me, He knows me best. If I want to find myself. I should look up to Him, my maker for the source of the answer. What is my role? what is my purpose? When I deal with my guy friends and with my boyfriend, how does God want me to act as a woman? What is his design for me?

Competence. I always feel so incompetent. In school and at work. Honestly, so many people are so good at what they do. This is a world full of competition. AND I HATE COMPETITION!

Life is so scary. The world is sooo big especially after college. Running away doesn’t bring any permanent and lasting peace. I only get the courage to face life because I have a God walking with me through it all. I can just stand secure in Him. I have been so badly beaten by this world. I can only rise up again because He picks me up like a little child missing a step or tripping on the ground. It happens *a lot*.

God says His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weaknesses and so it is He who makes me competent. His grace enables me.

3. Christ-culture not Chinese culture

People are careless. We all falter and fail. I am very guilty of that. We all have our bad habits. Looking back, those people probably didn’t mean to be judgmental or maybe they just didn’t know because of the culture they are in. Sometimes, culture can get the best of us. I guess the Chinese culture became more significant than the “Christ-culture” that we should be living out.

4. Faith

Everything is about faith. Faith is a choice. Nobody *can* force you. It is not by culture or tradition. Faith is a conscious and scary choice. It takes faith to obey God, to walk in His ways. It takes faith to surrender to God my identity, myself, my hurts, my past, my everything… and it is never the easiest thing to do.

Oh by the way, you can say I surrender my studies and career to God, but not my heart. AND that happens. Guess what happens after that? God will definitely be able to bless you immensely in the surrendered aspects of your life, but what about those that aren’t?

Faith is an experience with God. It is a personal experience with Him. In fact, I don’t think anybody can judge your walk with God. In the end, it is just between you and Him.

Faith works in such a way that you don’t know what will be the result of taking hold of faith, but you just choose to have faith because you completely trust Him that He knows best.

5. Peace. Joy

God is the only one who can make me cry out of joy. Nobody else can. I guess for me joy is a peaceful state of being, a bouncing and excited heart in spite of the worst days of your life or the happiest ones just coz you know He is in control.

I call it the disney feeling :) Like a little disney princess living a fairy tale come true. That is how God is to me. I am His precious little princess. His beloved.

Peace that comes from Him transcends all understanding. That means you won’t be able to understand what I am saying here unless you experience it for yourself *which takes faith*. In my case, I find myself so much at peace when I sing to Him or when I cry to Him. Nobody else in this world can ever grant me that peace and unexplainable joy except Him.

And so this ends my written babbling thoughts for the day! :D

Read more

Today :)

Just some things I learned and reflected upon today from this Sunday’s Message :) I felt very blessed and encouraged :) Praise be to God for His amazing WORD!

1. God’s WORD has authority because of the Author.

• If anyone ever approached you and told you something, your next question would be “Says who?”. If it is from your Boss or a respected person, you’d more or less believe it right?
• The authority gains leverage on the source.

2. We can approach the WORD in 2 ways:

• You as the cookie cutter
• You rationalizing with it on your own, for your benefit and how you want to see it.
• OR the WORD as the cookie cutter
• Letting it mold you into the cookie that you should become based on how God wants you to become.

3. Another word for the “Promise Land” is “God’s Rest”

• To stand in His Promise and find Rest.
• Have you ever experienced being disobedient to Him? For example, you know you have to do something that He wants you to do, but you run away from it. It becomes a struggle. A restless one. You find yourself exhausted. Another example would be doing things on your own power, strength and effort, putting everything in your own hands. You end up burned-out.
• The Israelites were like that. Roaming for 40 years (A long and exhausting struggle).  They were disobedient to God. The root of their disobedience is unbelief in His Promise.

Heb 3:15-19

As has just been said: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the desert? And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.

4. Hebrews 4:7 "Today, if you hear his voice,” do not harden your hearts."

• Everyday is designated as “Today”.
• What hardens our hearts is Sin’s deceitfulness.
• We all have in one way or another, fallen to it’s trap.
• For example, you know what is right from wrong. You have a conscience to tell you so. However, you belittle the wrong because of your situation or maybe even your own personal philosophy. Some people would steal and just say that I was starving that is why I did that. Students would cheat in exam and say, I needed to pass the exam or else my parents are going to kill me. Some people commit adultery or fornicate, and say “we are in love”. The truth is, you know what is right from wrong. Sin deceives you to believe otherwise.
• Sin can contort you to have a “bad romance” with Sin.
• Col 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.”

5. Heb 4:11 “Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.”

• Q: WHY?
• A: #6

6. Because the WORD says in Heb 9:27 “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment”

• If you believe in God, then you would understand what that verse means.
• You can choose your sin, be a cookie cutter, run-away from God, and rationalize all you want like, but you cannot choose the consequence of those sin.
• In the end, when you stand before Him, you will never have an excuse.
• Being too young to settle down in Him, won’t be an acceptable excuse either.

7. Heb 3:13 “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness”

• As the WORD exposes our shortcomings, we need people to be their mirrors. Mirrors who would catch, support and help us.
• People who can point us back to the right track – back to the what He has done on the Cross for us, so that no matter how inadequate we may end up feeling, we are encouraged and revived to find His Rest.
• These are people whom we can walk with us “Today”. In VCF, we call this a smallgroup :)
• Remember: Everyday is designated as “Today”.

Read more

I ♥ Wufie d’ Munkey (for my beloved boyfriend)

Using my Omnia and the DynaInk drawing software installed in it, I suddenly got inspired to draw a Wufie d’ Munkey (based on the monkey wallpaper in my cellphone, modified already of course for my ♥).

I love you babe! ♥♥♥  Hope you like my mini caricature gift and surprise for you today! :) God bless! Galingan mo po sa work! :D Enjoy! Ingat po pagpasok! It looks so much like you hehehehe :P

“Wufie d’ Munkey”

Note to the boyfriend:
Someday I will be inspired to draw a Woofie the Wolfie version :P hehe :P

Read more

The Painting of 9 Months and a Valentine’s Story

February 13, 2010 (Saturday)

Warning: This is going to be another long blog post.

I knew he was cooking up a surprise for me since Thursday that week. He told me so because he didn’t want me to worry, but of course he didn’t tell me what the surprise will be. After work, he would text me that he will be going somewhere else before going home in preparation for the Saturday surprise. He really wanted to make it special and he wanted to make me happy.

The history behind this is that there was this one time (or maybe more than that) when I complained to him that he never really plans anything for me or even us for any occasion. He is not really the planner type of person, so I usually end up planning our dates or getaways. So he was really excited to do all this planning and preparation for this date.

At first, he set the date to be on February 14, Sunday, so that it would fall exactly on Valentine’s Day. However, we both eventually agreed to move it to February 13 which would be our 9th Monthsary (We made it a point to spend some time together every 13th of the month if possible).

On my end, I made extra attention to fix myself up that day as requested by the boyfriend, so I decided to wear this silky floral dress that I have never worn before. I bought it out of a whim and I thought it was really pretty. It must have been a year or so since I bought it, but I never had a chance to really wear it. Anyway, it was a pretty floral-printed silky spaghetti-strapped empire type of dress with the skirt just above the knee. I also wore my black shawl over my shoulders and my favorite soft black boots to compliment the outfit. To accessorize, I wore my vintage rose metal-molded pendant necklace which I recently got as a pasalubong from my Ate, my favorite silver dangling earrings, and I also brought along the new white hand-bag with a butterfly on it from his mom. Of course some powder, dabs of blush-on and mascara to complete the simple and natural make-up look. It always makes him happy to see me making extra effort to fix myself up for him and so I did.

So the date arrived, literally, the day did come and so did he on our doorstep with a bouquet of one dozen roses which he really took time to buy in Dangwa flower market in Dimasalang. It was beautiful as always as it represents his continuous desire to court me even if we are already in a relationship. Some people used to tell me that courtship usually ends once you become boyfriend/girlfriend or when you get married. Rather, I think that it is a matter of choice, as most things are, and it doesn’t have to end if the couple would choose to not let it end. The word panliligaw is simply the start of courtship and I believe the ideal one is one that would continue on in marriage till death do them part. Of course, this should be a mutual effort. Men have a really big role in this one as they should be the ones leading the relationship, and they must make the effort to not become passive in wooing their significant other. On the other end, women should be responsive to efforts done by the guys. I know how much it means to guys when their efforts are recognized, complimented and when the girls make an effort to really fix themselves up as well for the guys.

After picking me up, we took a cab towards the secret place. I tried my best not to guess the surprise as requested by the boyfriend again because I am usually good a picking up hints. Unfortunately, I did get a few ideas during our trip there due to the following reasons. During our conversation, we were talking about current events in our work. I was talking about how I was a bit worried and excited at the same time about my Sharepoint project because it was new to me but at the same time it was something I was really interested to learn. I was also talking to him about how great things are going with that project so far, and it has been such an answered prayer. Then suddenly, he interrupts me with a “Buti nalang! Ay… ndi…” Okay, this me, auto-processing what he just said without me really consciously making that effort to get the hint because I really didn’t mean to understand what he just said, but then again, what can I do about it. So my brain automatically zapped me up this “Aha!” idea. So what do I mean with all this gibberish? Let me break it down to this. First, I know my boyfriend. My boyfriend talks to me about everything.

So here are the puzzle pieces:

1. Early on, before I started my Sharepoint project, he told me about his officemate, who happens to be really good at Sharepoint. He would often tell me that if I have a problem, maybe I could ask for help from his friend.

2. One time, when he told me that he was going off somewhere for the surprise, he did mention that he was with the exact same person and another one who happens to be his boss.

3. The only restaurant/eating place I know that I didn’t know which I know he knows would somebody’s house where I have never been to before.   

4. “Buti nalang!” If I fill in the blanks. It would look like this, “Buti nalang, nandyan si Mark So, magaling yun sa Sharepoint, may mapagtatanungan ka!”

Given those clues: I automatically came to a pretty close idea where we were going. It was somewhere where Mark So was. Probably his house or something, but I was sure he would be there.

After that, as a sign of mercy for my boyfriend who made all the extra effort to plan, I decided not to think about it any further.

Well, I was not disappointed anyway:

I came to a pretty close guess. We did go to someone’s house, but it was his boss’ house, Sir Brian. Mark So was also there, so that was correct. BUT what I didn’t expect was that Sir Brian and Mark So would be there to be our cooks/chefs for our very special dinner date. And everything was so beautiful. We went to the rooftop, where we had a simple table, with white tablecloth and two small candles lit up for the simple candlelight rooftop dinner. It was really cozy because it wasn’t noisy at all, there was a cool breeze blowing and the night was just so peaceful. The boyfriend and Sir Brian also set up some music to set the mood for Valentine’s. Then the boyfriend gave me one more rose specially for that moment. So I received 13 roses all in all! Perfect for our Monthsary day, 13. In turn, I gave him my end of the surprise. I gave him some pasalubong from my HK trip the previous weekend. He was really happy about his new pair of fluffy Domo slippers which he now regularly wears in the office. BUT, that was not all! I was not prepared for the sumptuous dinner that awaited us. The food was too delectable that words would not suffice to describe how good it was! We had humongous amount of Angel Hair Tuna Pesto with Nori specially prepared by Sir Brian, and two plates of extra big slices of a really mouth-watering Steak (I think it was Angus-Beef.. I forgot because you would forget when you eat it) prepared by Mark So. We also had Juice (whoops forgot what it was made of), but it wasn’t too sweet so I liked it. We also had salad. It had grapes and nuts in it. I was able to finish the pesto but it really was A LOT, so I was too full to eat my plate of Steak. So the boyfriend and I decided to share one plate of Steak and give the other plate to Sir Brian and Mark So who made a lot of effort in cooking in his behalf. It was the most amazing dinner I have ever had! In fact, it was just perfect for the occasion. I didn’t want to go with the rest of the Valentine’s community to a noisy and extremely filled-up restaurant, and get worked up about waiting for our reservation or whatever issue might come up. This was a hassle-free and delightful night for us to enjoy with the company of good food, and friends (after dinner).

The secret unfolded:

The boyfriend really wanted to give me a surprise, so he started asking Sir Brian and Mark So for ideas. They suggested that boyfriend can cook for me. The boyfriend thinks that it is a great idea! BUT, he can’t cook (though he used to boast to me that he is really great at cooking *ahem…* frying). So Sir Brian and Mark So volunteers to cook for us for our special dinner. Since Thursday that week, the boyfriend with the help of Sir Brian and Mark So have been shopping for ingredients. The boyfriend served as the financier while Sir Brian and Mark So as the cooking experts.

The conclusion:

I love my boyfriend. Some people would acknowledge fate, luck or destiny for their relationships. For me I would say it was and still is all thanks to God because I know that He is the Painter of this relationship. The most amazing thing about it is that, portrait after portrait of memories and moments, He continues to paint so many more beautiful pictures. He weaves the stories and intertwines them together to unravel even more beautiful pieces of the story waiting to unfold through the months and years to come. That is my faith. Last February 13, 2010, He made a very beautiful painting, The Painting of 9 Months and a Valentine’s Story. I wonder what is He going to paint next? :)

I believe that the perspective of love must always be one-way and that is “I will ___ even if you don’t ___”. It is as unselfish and as unconditional as that. You can fill in the blanks with something like “love you” and “love me”, but it can go beyond that such as “do everything for you”, and “care”.

However, for a relationship to work, first, love must be present. Next, it must be mutually perceived as unconditional as that stated above by the couple. Imagine that!

Sadly, nothing is perfect. People fail each other, but that makes it more important to decide and choose to have that kind of love for each other every single moment of your time as a couple, because when one of you fail each other, that love comes in and says… I will forgive you even if you have failed me. I will love you regardless of the circumstances, just because I love you.

Read more