I Just Missed Writing :)

God made me realize at a young age that I need Him, but the journey has been long and difficult and continues to be that way, but well worth it! :) *I am hard-headed so I do end up learning things the hard way most of the time :)*

I remember that one of the greatest prejudice and condemnation that I have ever encountered growing up was that I was Chinese who cannot speak Chinese. As a young girl growing in a Chinese community, that hurt me a lot. The thing is, I was surrounded by people who called themselves Christians.

Reminiscing, I really learned a lot since then :)

1. Love and Acceptance.

When I look at a person, I don’t want to care if you’re a Chinese or a Filipino. I don’t even care about your past, because I know what it feels to be judged. I just want to see you as God sees you. I just want to see the best and the good in you. I want to love the people around me in the same way God has shown His love for me. Difficult? Yes. But, He loved me even if I can be so unlovely.

When people fail us or disappoint us, just forgive. *oh so difficult* BUT that is Grace. Maybe they just don’t know what they’re doing or maybe they’re already so lost in their bad habits. I am reminded often times, it is not my role to make someone grow out of his/her bad habits, that is God’s role. All we can do is be there for them. Encourage them. Build them. Love them. Accept them. Be gracious to them. As they grow in God, they’ll receive the wisdom to know what is right from wrong. If they grow in love with God, they’ll choose to obey Him not because you told them to, but because they just love Him enough to obey Him. Everyone has their own walk of faith with God. Anyway, in the end, each of us are accountable to Him :)

Side comment thoughts:

When I die, I rather be secure that I did my best to live a life of faith that there is God :) If there is none, then okay so what, then there is nothingness, but what if there is? :P How will you face Him then because there are no more second chances after that?! :) Where will you go then?

The greatest lie of the devil:

You are still young, you still have so much time to spare :) But oh that can be so deceptive. Time flies young one. You will never know when it is too late.

2. Identity. Security. Courage. Competence

I was not secure back then. Who am I? Who cares if I am a Filipino or a Chinese. Would that even matter to God?! I am a Christian. That is my citizenship. I have found security in my identity in God. A God who will never falter, a perfect God. Imagine if I found my security in this world, if that world crumbles, so will I. If I find my identity in my group of friends, or in the lifestyle I live in or in money. What if I lose all that? Won’t I also lose my entire being?!

I am a woman created by God. Again He created me, He knows me best. If I want to find myself. I should look up to Him, my maker for the source of the answer. What is my role? what is my purpose? When I deal with my guy friends and with my boyfriend, how does God want me to act as a woman? What is his design for me?

Competence. I always feel so incompetent. In school and at work. Honestly, so many people are so good at what they do. This is a world full of competition. AND I HATE COMPETITION!

Life is so scary. The world is sooo big especially after college. Running away doesn’t bring any permanent and lasting peace. I only get the courage to face life because I have a God walking with me through it all. I can just stand secure in Him. I have been so badly beaten by this world. I can only rise up again because He picks me up like a little child missing a step or tripping on the ground. It happens *a lot*.

God says His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weaknesses and so it is He who makes me competent. His grace enables me.

3. Christ-culture not Chinese culture

People are careless. We all falter and fail. I am very guilty of that. We all have our bad habits. Looking back, those people probably didn’t mean to be judgmental or maybe they just didn’t know because of the culture they are in. Sometimes, culture can get the best of us. I guess the Chinese culture became more significant than the “Christ-culture” that we should be living out.

4. Faith

Everything is about faith. Faith is a choice. Nobody *can* force you. It is not by culture or tradition. Faith is a conscious and scary choice. It takes faith to obey God, to walk in His ways. It takes faith to surrender to God my identity, myself, my hurts, my past, my everything… and it is never the easiest thing to do.

Oh by the way, you can say I surrender my studies and career to God, but not my heart. AND that happens. Guess what happens after that? God will definitely be able to bless you immensely in the surrendered aspects of your life, but what about those that aren’t?

Faith is an experience with God. It is a personal experience with Him. In fact, I don’t think anybody can judge your walk with God. In the end, it is just between you and Him.

Faith works in such a way that you don’t know what will be the result of taking hold of faith, but you just choose to have faith because you completely trust Him that He knows best.

5. Peace. Joy

God is the only one who can make me cry out of joy. Nobody else can. I guess for me joy is a peaceful state of being, a bouncing and excited heart in spite of the worst days of your life or the happiest ones just coz you know He is in control.

I call it the disney feeling :) Like a little disney princess living a fairy tale come true. That is how God is to me. I am His precious little princess. His beloved.

Peace that comes from Him transcends all understanding. That means you won’t be able to understand what I am saying here unless you experience it for yourself *which takes faith*. In my case, I find myself so much at peace when I sing to Him or when I cry to Him. Nobody else in this world can ever grant me that peace and unexplainable joy except Him.

And so this ends my written babbling thoughts for the day! :D